“is the pain a normal pain?” “does it feel normal?” “are you sure?”
These are all questions I ask Clara pretty much all day everyday. I have no clue how she puts up with me. Trust me I annoy myself.
The thing is I suffer with OCD on moderate/severe level. I coped very well once we discovered we were pregnant, but once we had our scare it all changed. My anxiety level raised and I became hyper sensitive to every time Clara winced or mentioned a cramping feeling.
I found myself googling every symptom, which anyone who has ever googled a symptom will know it’s the worst thing to do. It’s not that I want to wrap her in cotton wool, far from it. It’s just the feeling of complete helplessness.
I would love to be able to endure every pain my wife goes through instead of her. I’m sure anyone who loves someone with all their heart would want to take the pain instead of seeing them in pain, you don’t need OCD to feel like this. But OCD makes it 1000 times worse.
I am learning to bite my tongue. Now when I hear Clara mention a pain (which the majority of the time proves to be round ligament pain, I know this as I googled it 😉 ) I think to myself, if it’s really severe she will say so.
I have no clue what I will be like once she is going through labour pains. All I know is I will be there wishing I could take them from her.
I don’t think OCD is going to make me one of those parents who makes their kid live in a bubble or doesn’t allow friends round unless they are showered first. I just think it’s going to make me a caring and thoughtful parent.