My Breast Decision

When puberty started, it seemed like I had it easy. Most of my friends were covered in spots and had hideous mood swings. I never felt the need to wear make-up, other than a little mascara. I used to get comments like ‘You don’t know how horrible it is’ and ‘You lucky cow’.

To everyone who saw me on a daily basis it looked like I had got away with it. What they didn’t know was I was hiding a huge secret, something that made me cry on a daily basis and ruined my self esteem.

C My Two Mums

Only one of my breasts had formed/started growing. I thought I was deformed. After weeks or maybe months of crying myself to sleep I made the decision to not look at it, to keep it a secret. Not even my mum knew.

I started wearing bras in the bath and shower or I closed my eyes when I washed. When I went swimming I kept my arms folded whilst out of the water so my friends wouldn’t notice. None of them ever said anything to me, thinking back, I absolutely love them for it.

I spent a fortune on push-up bras, removing the gel insert for my formed breast. Looking at me, you couldn’t tell there was any difference. I kept this going for a year or so. Until I was busted!

The summer of my 15th birthday was a scorcher! My mum suggested we all take a day trip to Guildford Lido, one of my favourite places, and she surprised me with a new bikini. I can often be a bit of a scatter brain & in my excitement I whipped it on and showed it off to my mum, oops! Cat is out of the bag.

She didn’t say anything to me about it at the time, however that evening she came into my room and asked me about it. I told her how I was keeping it a secret. She looked a bit gutted that I hadn’t told her.

My mum booked me a Dr’s appointment for the next day. They examined me and remarked how they had never seen a chest as uneven as mine before and would refer me for breast enhancement surgery immediately.

Within 2 months I was on the operating table. The feeling of drifting into a dreamless sleep was great, the pain when I woke up however, was horrendous! I felt battered and bruised from the chest down and could hardly walk myself to the car. Usually most people after breast surgery are up and about in a day or 2, I was unable to return to school for 2 weeks.

As I was so young they couldn’t use a full implant so there was a small tube attached which sat underneath my skin. I had 3 or 4 appointments with my surgeon over 6 months where he would insert a syringe full of saline solution into the tube and slowly fill the implant. This was to reduce the amount of stretch marks.

When my breasts seemed even, I had a small operation to remove the tube. This was one of the worst experiences of my life.

It was all performed under local anesthetic. The surgeon informed me that a junior surgeon would be performing the surgery whilst I was already on the table. Something you would expect to be told before. They didn’t numb the skin enough so I could feel when they started to open the scar tissue. I screamed out in pain and was reassured they would numb the area but that wasn’t the end of the problems. Whilst trying to get the tube out it got stuck and they spent 15 minutes pulling and twisting it free. It was truly awful.

I began to heal well and started to gain some confidence. In that time, I came out to my friends and family and started to enjoy dating. I went off to University and had one of the best years of my life. I met my beautiful wife and I was the happiest I had ever been.

Then about a year after Kirsty and I get together, my implant started to hurt. This was strange as during the 1st surgery I suffered nerve damage and had no sensation or feeling. I noticed the implant started to gather at the top of my breast, which made me look like I had two, one on top of the other. The surgeon told me that my breast was rejecting the implant and I would need to have it replaced. Again, within a matter of months I was back on the operating table. This time it all went smoothly, I healed quickly and 4 1/2 years on I still have no problems.

I do not regret the decision to have my breast enlarged. My confidence was at rock bottom and I truly believe I wouldn’t be the confident person I am today without it. Regardless of the pain and the trauma I suffered, it was worth it and I’m glad I had a chance to share it with you all.

I do not encourage people to have cosmetic surgery, it’s a very personal decision the individual needs to make. I hope that anyone thinking of going down that road takes the time to think about it carefully before making any decisions.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. themummydiary Reply

    As someone else who has suffered with very different sized breasts I totally understand, I have never gone down the surgery route kinda hoping having children would help. Still today I have one a lot bigger than the other and have to be careful what I wear. But I have an understanding husband who loves them no matter what. xx

  2. Charlotte Taylor Reply

    I love you for sharing this Clara. I think you are a truly beautiful woman and I’m even more impressed by your courage to share something that is obviously very private for you. Breasts are funny things – even as I write there’s yet another debate about breastfeeding taking Twitter by storm. But, sometimes, we have to give them the respect they deserve and realise that they do make us feel very womanly, curvy, sexy and even just ‘normal’. You are beautiful inside and out. Don’t forget that. xx

  3. Super Busy Mum Reply

    Your amazing for sharing this and I so glad that it all worked out in the end. Man that experience when you didn’t numb fully made me cringe. Your so brave. x

  4. Lauren Reply

    Love the honesty of this Clara. It broke my heart that you felt you had to shower and bath with a bra on or with your eyes closed.

    I didn’t realise you had your first op so young, and the horrid experience you had sounds awful but I’m glad you are now happy with your body.xx

  5. mummydaddyme Reply

    This was such a brave post to share Clara, and I thank you for sharing it. You will surely help others by writing this. It must have been such a hard thing to go through at such a vulnerable age. x

  6. Hayley Reply

    I’m so sad that you felt like that and it must have been so upsetting to go through that at that age. I think it’s great that you shared this, hopefully it helps someone in the same situation.

    PS. Think your hair looks lovely down 😉

  7. Mrs TeePot Reply

    What a brave post, I’m so sorry that you had to go through it, and some of the surgery seems awful, but the fact it’s given you more confidence is brilliant. It must have been incredibly hard as a teenager especially, going through puberty is hard for anyone.

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