When Kirsty and I told everyone we wanted to start a family together, many people asked us – ‘Will you be adopting?’
That question never really seemed to bother me that much in the past, however, now we have our son, it is really starting to play on my mind. Especially as the question has now changed to ‘Why didn’t you adopt?!’ & ‘Will you adopt the next baby?’
Our answer, sadly, is no, we will not be adopting. I have the upmost respect for those who adopt and foster. There are so many children out there who need a supportive and loving home and I think it takes the right sort of person to take that path. I feel we have the space in our hearts to love a child as if they were our own but I have always wanted to give birth to my own children, as many of us do. I don’t feel I should have to justify the reason why we chose to conceive our own child. Would these people ask that question to a straight couple? Honestly, I’m not so sure.
It’s not the idea of adopting which frustrates me about those questions, it’s the assumption. The assumption that because we are ‘Lesbians’, we must be infertile or should give up our rights to give birth to our own children. It’s the same when people judge my wife for her choice not to carry our children. Next time we get a lecture about adoption I am going to ask why they chose to conceive naturally.
I have been asked so many personal questions over the years, and most of the time we are happy to answer but sometimes they can be quite hurtful.
Questions like –
‘Why didn’t you both try for a baby at the same time to double your chances?’
‘Why didn’t you both breast feed your son if you had trouble?’
‘Did you use a turkey baster?’
‘There are so many children in the world who need homes, so why didn’t you adopt?
‘Who’s the man and who’s the woman?’
‘How do you sleep together?’
Etc. . . Etc. . . Etc. . .
I often wonder why there is a need to ask such questions? Maybe they don’t think before they speak, I’m not sure. We have always responded by saying that’s awfully personal and we don’t wish to answer. Then comes that awkward silence in the conversation which feels like time has stood still. Then the person will lose interest and seek out another person to interrogate.
Kirsty and I are very open and honest people and we enjoy sharing our life through our blog, we’ve met some amazing people and formed some amazing friendships. We love answering questions about our life together and our family, including the legal aspects. Through questions asked, we have found answers to things we didn’t even know about.
When we neared the end of our pregnancy someone asked us if we were both able to be on M’s birth certificate. At the time we didn’t have a clue but through research we discovered that as we are a married couple, we both had the right to be on it.
I guess there is always going to be that person who over steps the mark and we’re extremely lucky that we haven’t experienced many bad comments or remarks via the blog. We were prepared for a lot lot more. Every cloud I guess.