Every day a coming out

If you’re a regular reader, you will probably be aware that C and I recently moved to a new house. We moved into a lovely quiet little road with well kept gardens and neighbours that keep themselves to themselves. We haven’t really encountered anyone since we moved, apart from the odd smile and greeting during the day.

A month in our new home and now we are gradually getting to meet the neighbours, thanks to regular parcel deliveries arriving whilst we are working. Thankfully we have moved to a friendly road with a plethora of neighbours ready to accept a delivery on your behalf. This has helped us out immensely and has also offered a platform for us to introduce ourselves.

I always wonder if those who have noticed us assume the makeup of our family. We’ve been assumed to be sisters or friends when living in a previous house. Now that we have M, I wonder if they look at us as the family we are, just two mums raising their son.

family shot

The other day when collecting our parcel from a new neighbour, I introduced myself and M who had decided he had to be the one to get the parcel. We enjoyed small talk and then I thought, I best mention Clara, just in case their paths cross. So I said, “oh and there’s my wife Clara”. That’s when that split second of silence, or a slight “oh” or face change, means so much to me. It’s like coming out all over again. I lost count so many years ago of how many “coming out” days I’ve had.

I know many say “oh you shouldn’t need to come out”, but the world just isn’t like that yet. There is always that point when talking about my wife where the person I am talking to has to process that information. They are either super cool and couldn’t giving a flying duck about it, or they weren’t expecting me to say that and the shock is written on their face.

I don’t judge either way. Someone assuming I live with my sister, would suddenly have to process this new relationship change. It may come as a shock to someone who hasn’t met a same sex family. We live in a very conservative area, so many of our elderly neighbours really haven’t met any gay people previously. Trust me, I’ve been told this. I think they were pleasently surprised that we didn’t have two heads and breathe fire. 😉

To speculate over our family make up is totally normal. We like to be open and don’t hide who we are. We have nothing to be ashamed of and are just a regular family. I’d like to think our visibility challenges perceptions in our conservative little town. I know the world is slowly changing and this pleases me, but we can’t stop as we’ve still got a long way to go.

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. Kate Sutton Reply

    I had the opportunity to talk about this yesterday when I let Dexter watch a little bit of First Dates which was focusing on a girl meeting a girl at the time. Because I was/am so matter of fact about gay relationships, it meant that he was too. “Oh, so a girl likes a girl? OK.” And that was that. That doesn’t help you now, but hope that it gives you a little hope for the future. x

  2. DannyUK Reply

    I never know what the right response is in situations where you are meeting new people. Straight or gay, I always find it odd when someone introduces someone else with an explanation. “This is my wife, so-and-so” or “This is my zumba colleague, XYZ”.

    Also, to echo what Kate has said below, my 8 year old son asked me the other day if it would be ok if he grew up gay. “Of course it would!” I replied. Apparently. he just wondered. I took it as a sign that I’m doing something right. The world feels to me (as a straight person with arguably a different viewpoint) that its becoming a lot more gay friendly, at last.

  3. Colette B Reply

    We have been talking this week about getting married – my little boy decided last year that he is going to marry a girl in his class, we asked Chloe who she would like to marry and she told us she’s going to marry Violet (a little girl in her class who I know she plays with quite a bit). In the past I know I’d likely have replied with “Oh you can’t do that love, girls can’t marry other girls” but you’re right, times are a-changing and I nodded, smiled and said how lovely that was x

  4. Goblin Child Reply

    Oh, I could have written a lot of this (granted, not nearly so eloquently). We live in a conservative area too and I was TERRIFIED of how people would respond to us as two women who are in love and are parents. Thankfully everybody, even our elderly neighbours, have been just lovely about us. I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be to be shunned by the immediate world outside of our front door.

  5. Stephs Two Girls Reply

    You seem to take this in your stride yet I’m sure it must be so frustrating to ‘have’ to ‘tell’ everyone all the time. I’ve just been a referee for my brother and his husband to adopt, as I know they will make brilliant parents just as you and C are. I have felt for him during this process, as although of course no-one is really allowed to challenge it these days, we know the judgement is there, unspoken. Times are changing, slowly of course, but I think society is heading in the right way and I know my girls believe everyone is equal and different 🙂 x

  6. Donna Wishart Reply

    It must be so hard to have to do this sort of thing regularly but so normal in a way too. I hope you have soon met all the neighbours so you can stop needing ‘coming out days’ for a while. have a lovely weekend x

  7. Wave to Mummy Reply

    Sounds difficult and tough… I think times definitely are changing and people are getting more used to different family structures, but I can imagine very conservative areas and areas with older people can be a bit more difficult. But as you say, not having two heads and breathing fire must help 😀

  8. mummydaddyme Reply

    Even though the times are changing, I do imagine that you do get the odd second glance from time to time, especially from the older generation. It’s sad and it’s not something I have thought about before as you guys are my friends, but it must be frustrating and something you have to deal with on a daily basis. But when people see that you are just two people raising a beautiful little boy, well that’s entirely all that matters. x

  9. Innocent Charms Chats Reply

    I always wondered how it was for you when you met people, I have seen peoples face when I mention my brother, I never hide who he is as I am proud.
    You are right the world Is better, lets be honest years ago people would have feared telling they were gay.
    I still remember as a child people finding out my Dads name and then when they would meet him and his skin was darker, I noticed it but am proud of my culture and I know M will be of who his Mummy and Mama are, what Katie said is true though, people should see who you really are, 2 amazing woman who love your son more than most I know.

    I wish I could make the world different for us all xxx

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