You know that wardrobe, cupboard or room, we all seem to have in the house. You fill it with lots of stuff until you can’t get the door shut and then you keep nudging the door to make sure it’s closed and then one weekend you spend hours sorting through it and cleaning it out. You take things to the tip, give things to charity and promise yourself you won’t ever fill the room up like that ever again. Two months down and you look at the room, door slightly ajar and you realise that you’ve managed to fill the room back up with stuff and now you’ve got to spend even longer sorting it.
Well that’s how I feel about myself, more to the point my weightloss journey. Over the years I’ve lost weight, let it creep back, lost even more, then let it creep back up again. I promise myself I’m going to make permanent changes and then I self sabotage those plans and end up in a negative cycle of feeling like I can’t get back to where I want to be. Weightloss isn’t easy, it isn’t meant to be easy. The weight didn’t go on overnight, so I’d never expect it to come off that quickly. But for some reason, even when I see results, something in my brain points me back to the bad path I was slowly plodding on.
I’ve had success with My Fitness Pal and Thinking Slimmer, but was using them independently and wasn’t putting things in place to control all areas in my life. I felt I could listen to my Slim pod and change the way I ate, without increasing my exercise enough. Each step I took seemed to be towards an unknown that was scaring me. The scale became a number that fluctuated every single week.
This week I had one of those moments which people who are successful on their weightloss paths, claim to have. My doctor made me aware my BMI was far too high, so I looked at pictures of myself and realised I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I owe it to myself, my son and my wife, to be the best person I can be. Not one on the path towards diabetes or weight related illnesses. A switch went off in my head, one that’s never been touched. This could have been prompted my a book I’ve been reading which says “You control your mind, your mind does not control you”. Which I as someone with OCD, I take that statement with a pinch of salt, but I can also identify with it. I make the choice what to put in my mouth, I make the choice whether or not to go for a walk/run/scoot.
So this week I started tracking my foods again with My Fitness Pal, I’ve got my Slimpod and Fitpod on a playlist to listen to each night and I’ve been going out in the evening to play basketball or swim. I’m tired of looking and feeling like someone who I’m not. My mind knows it is capable of so much more, I just need to put in the effort and desire. No more excuses, no more self sabotage. This is a life change, a long journey and one I am actually excited about. Sometimes we can feel like we’ve started a journey several times before we actually leave the door. We take mini journeys which are like a dry run for the long adventure. It’s not going to be an easy ride, it’s going to be tough, but I know I’m ready.
This time this journey is for me, for my life and a long future.