Gay Mum

As you can imagine, we get asked a lot of questions about our life and living as a same sex couple and we are more than happy to answer most questions. We usually have an answer straight away, and most of these questions are quite straight forward like –

‘How did you know you were gay?’

‘How did you decide who would carry your son?’


‘How did you conceive Monkey?’

Etc etc. . . I could go on for a very long time. However the other week someone asked me a question that I couldn’t answer, it completely caught me off guard and I quickly changed the subject. Since then I haven’t been able to get the question out of my head and I am going to attempt to answer it as best as I can.

So here it goes, the big question –

‘What does it feel like to be a gay mum?’

In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea.

I can tell you what it means to me being a gay woman but not what it feels like to be gay because ‘Gay’ isn’t really a feeling, unless you mean happy, but I have a feeling this wasn’t what they meant.

I’ve never been a heterosexual woman. I am in terms of labels a Homosexual woman, however as the years go by I move further and further away from labelling myself. I’m just your average woman, who finds women attractive, is deeply in love with her wife and has the most incredible son.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my sexuality and I love the LGBTQ community, it’s like being accepted into a club and I know I’m just like everyone else. Recently we have been watching Cucumber and Banana on Channel 4 and E4, and we’ve loved every minute of it. It’s nice to watch other gay people on the telly without it being overly stereotypical or with a stigma attached to it.

When I watch films or television, I often find it difficult to relate to.

So that’s part 1 of my question answered. I could go on and on about my sexuality, but I’ll leave that for another time.

On being a mum –

I can tell you exactly what it feels like to be a mum. I feel proud to be the mother of my son.

That’s motherhood in a nutshell.

You look at the little person you’ve created or worked so hard for and you just fill up with love and pride from the very top of your head to the very tips of toes. M drives me crazy sometimes but then he makes me laugh every single day. I look at his big brown eyes and I’m just overcome with love for him. Yes, parenthood is challenging but the rewards outweigh any of the negatives.

superworm laughs

I was born to be the mother of my son, I truly believe that. I would be absolutely nothing without him in my life.

So how does it feel to be a gay mother? I think it’s probably feels exactly the same as any other mother out there. We come in all different shapes and sizes. Big ones, small ones, single ones, married ones, gay ones, straight ones, working ones, stay at home ones. . . . I really could go on forever. Need I say any more?

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Emily Tealady Reply

    Love this. I totally agree, I feel like I was born to be Nancy’s mum. In a way you just can’t describe it. Some things were just meant to be in life. Ps. I’ve really enjoyed cucumber too! x

  2. Goblin Child Reply

    I cannot tell you how strongly I relate to this. BRILLIANTLY said (as always).

  3. Rachel In Real Life Reply

    I can only echo the others; I absolute agree that I was born to be my child’s mum. I imagine we all (well most of us!) feel the same.

  4. Let's Talk Mommy Reply

    This is so beautifully written. I imagine we all feel the same being a mom indeed hunny! loving our children and wanting the best for them in the same ways. That’s all that matters isn’t it? Great post. (love the new look too)

  5. HonestMum Reply

    Absolutely. This reminded me of an interview I did years ago when I was asked how I felt being a woman and a director (I was a filmmaker at the time). I replied that I’d never not been a woman in the same way you’ve never not been gay. Loved this.

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