I have always found holding C’s hand incredibly comforting, it’s something that warms me to the core. We can be sitting next to each other in the cinema, or even laying in bed and I know I can reach across and take C’s hand and she’ll hold mine back.
There was a time in our relationship where holding C’s hand filled me with anxiety. I feel ashamed of this time and it makes me sad to think about it, but it’s part of the past and can’t be changed. I’d experienced homophobia in a previous relationship, that had occurred whilst we were out in town. It had lead me to be anxious whenever C attempted to show me affection when out in public. For years I hesitated when taking C’s hand and I hated it. I hated feeling like I had to hide something as simple as holding someone’s hand.
But something changed, I didn’t want to be ruled by my fear. I wanted to take control and show the world that I was confident in my relationship. I had just as much right to hold my wife’s hand in public as anyone……….. and it felt GOOD!
Nobody has any right to make me feel fear and I have learned to not let past fear control me. Now I’m proud to hold my wife’s hand wherever we go, she is beautiful, why wouldn’t I want people to know she’s with me?!