In Memory of

Life isn’t sugar coated which is why Clara and I try our hardest to make sure we don’t totally sugar coat our blog. When times were tough when we had just become parents I wrote about our struggles as we feel it’s important to share the good as well as the bad in life. Well this week has been pretty crappy, in fact C and I concluded that it’s been the worst week we’ve ever had.

On bank holiday Monday my Little Nan passed away, I won’t go into detail, but it was unexpected and very sudden and left us and my whole family in shock. Losing someone you love is always hard no matter the circumstances, but the loss I’ve experienced in my life could not prepare me for the events surrounding my Nan’s passing. Our family on my nan’s side is small and the couple of days we spent together before my Nan passed will always remind me how important family is.

I am so grateful for my Aunt and Uncle opening up their home to us all and giving my parents somewhere to stay during hospital visits. They say most people eat their emotions during troubled times and boy did we eat. My Aunt made THE best banana and chocolate muffins that strangely, although my nan wasn’t there, they will always remind me of her.

I also was incredibly grateful for the friends that reached out to me, I can be quite a closed box when it comes to sharing my emotions, but several close friends made sure they kept in contact and some even offered up bad jokes to make me smile.


My Little Nan, was a legend in the kitchen. She taught all of her grandchildren how to make the best fairy cakes and cooked amazing roast dinners with the most delicious gravy I’d ever tasted. She taught me how to knit when I was little and as an adult she gifted me all of her knitting equipment. In memory of my nan I am going to take up knitting again, I am determined to finish a project she would be proud of.

Each school holiday she would look after me and my sister and take us to a local farm. I used to look forward to the holiday’s to discover which farm we were going to visit. She taught both my sister and I how to gamble with a purse full of half pennies, we usually played New Market and a very basic Poker.

We used to love listening to her stories about when she was a child and the amazing things that happened to her, yet to her it was just regular life. During the Second World War a bomb went off in the road next to their house, blowing their front door off whilst they sat under a table in the living room. She was great at setting the scene when telling a story, I could listen to her for hours.

I keep going over the stories she used to tell us, making sure I don’t forget anything she told me. I want to be able to pass on her stories to M when he is older, so he will remember the wonderful amazing Great Little Nan he had.

My heart is going to be aching for quite a while as I cope with losing someone who accepted and loved me as I was. One of my greatest moments was when she wrote in a card for Clara, “please call me Nan”. We will miss her so much.




The passing of our little Nan, was a big shock to our family, I’m not sure if it has quite sunk in yet. It just doesn’t feel real.  Kirsty and I have been together for 7 years and in that time Little Nan made me feel so welcome and like I was one of her own grandchildren. I am so lucky to have married into such a wonderfully caring family. I am going to miss her stories and the way she looked at Monkey. Little Nan was so caring, she had an infectious smile, you just couldn’t help but love her.

I will miss her dearly.

My story does not finish there however. On Friday I received a phone call from my friend Kerri, I knew instantly why she was calling, my heart started to sink as she began to talk and I burst into tears, my poor friend (whom I will refer to as T in respect to his family) had suffered a stroke and would not pull through this time. Within 15 minutes I said my goodbyes to Kirsty and Monkey and was in the car on my way to London to say my final farewell to my dear friend.

That same day I was let go from my new job due to unforeseen circumstances, but looking back I realize that was meant to happen, because of the hours I worked I would never have made it to the hospital in time as I had a 2 1/2 hour journey.

In November T was admitted to hospital to undergo a heart transplant, which was successful, unfortunately due to complications I wont go into, he became very weak. I have a very close nit group of friends from school, who I don’t get to see very much since moving to Dorset but over the last few months we have been talking almost every day, mostly about T and how drunk we all used to be. I love all of them with all my heart and we are devastated to lose such a wonderful friend. He was the most kindhearted man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I am proud to be his friend.

We are in mourning. This week has truly been the worst week of my life but I find comfort in the love of my family and friends, they are keeping me standing, when all I want to do it curl up under the duvet and hope I wake from a bad dream.

One thing I feel I need to say is how important it is that we all give blood regularly, if you are able, without those donations my friend wouldn’t have been able to fight for so long. Other members of our family have also been saved with blood transfusions in the past, so please, if you can, please, please, please donate. If you don’t know where your local blood donation center is, you can visit Give Blood UK who have a list with a handy postcode search engine.

*Out of respect for my friends family I have decided not to post any pictures of him*

This Post Has 28 Comments

  1. Ailsa Reply

    Love you two so much, hate what you have been through, you need a weekend in Devon or a star stacker in Lyme and you know where we are.
    Kirsty you write so beautifully about your little nan and have always said such lovely things about her. I know she will be very proud of the person you are.
    Losing a friend at our age is beyond devastating, I’m so sorry Clara. Hope you have lots of cuddles this weekend

    • Stella Reply

      My thoughts are with you. Very sorry for your loss. Big hug from an Italian Mum (rather Mamma:-) XXX Stella from Milan

  2. Lauren Reply

    I am so sorry. This week has been truly awful for you both. Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

  3. Lauren - Scrapbook Blog Reply

    Thinking of both of you. You’ll have lots of happy memories of your Little Nan and friend T, and you can always look back at this post and remember them now, despite how sad you feel now. I’ve just checked the rules for giving blood whilst breastfeeding and it’s 9 months post birth… i’ve not given it since I got pregnant so i’m going to book in for the next session in my area now that i’m allowed to!


  4. chantelle hazelden Reply

    so sorry that you’ve had a tough week, ((hugs)) for you both, I think it is the memories of our loved ones that get us through the tough times in life. xx

  5. geekmummy Reply

    *hugs* to you both, sounds like a tough week. My Mum has been a blood donor for many years, and has just had to stop as her veins aren’t up to it any more. She was really devastated about that. My hubby gives blood and I wonder if I should start too..

  6. TheBoyandMe Reply

    I am so very sorry to read this, you’ve had the worst week and so much of it must feel like it just doesn’t make sense.I had seen a few tweets and wondered if all was ok but didn’t want to intrude. My thoughts are with you.

  7. Fi Star-Stone Reply

    Oh darlings, this is just so sad and I’m so so sorry to hear of your losses. Hold each other close, remember the good times and take time to heal and grieve.

    Much love your way, Fi xx

  8. Katie@mummydaddyme Reply

    Hugs to you both what a terrible week. Sending you both lots of love and I am so sorry for your loss. Life is incredibly sad and unfair sometimes. Thinking of you both. Xxxxxxxxxx

  9. Tas D Reply

    Oh no I’m so sorry for your losses, so much all at once. Sending you good wishes and hugs xx

  10. Messed Up Mum Reply

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with all of that at once, but thank you for sharing. It really shows how every moment is important, how its vital we show love to each other while we can. Sending love to the family x

  11. Life With Munchers Reply

    Aw I’m so sorry. Such sad news. Thinking of you both during this time and I second Clara’s comment about blood donation. I’ve had a transfusion myself and as a result can’t give back. Hugs to you all xxx

  12. Hannah Reply

    I’m so sorry for your terrible losses this week and am thinking of you and your family and friends xxx

  13. Lucy DearBeautiful Reply

    I’m so sorry to hear what a quite frankly rubbish week it’s been for you all. It’s always so hard to lose someone you love, and for you to lose two in such quick succession seems so unfair. I’m sending lots of love your way. x

  14. Carrie L Reply

    I’m so sorry for your awful week, sending love to you, your family & your friends x

  15. Hannah Reply

    I’m so sorry, I will send a prayer up for you both and your families and friends tonight. What a horrid week. Keep those memories, make those roast dinners and knit your heart out when ready. Lots of love to you all x cupcakemumma

  16. Coombe Mill (Fiona) Reply

    A horrid week for you both, take strength in each other

  17. Donna Wishart Reply

    I am so sorry. After losing my Grandad at the start of April I can empathise completely with this but the double loss for you as a family must be unbearable. My thoughts are with you x

  18. Innocent Charms Chats Reply

    My beautiful friends. My heart has ached for you both this week. I hate to think of so much hurt to 2 lovely ladies. But I think it is awesome you had so much love from these people in your lives previous. Today is my Great Grans Birthday, she died when I was 9 and it still upsets me terribly she isn’t here. She was pure Sass and made my life richer. This post reminds me of her.
    Here for you always x

  19. Charlotte Taylor Reply

    So sorry that you have been so much all at once. I am firm believer that these things can only make you stronger and remind you of how blessed we are, but that is little good when wonderful people are gone and can’t be replaced. Just remember that they will be so very proud of you both, as well as M. I always like to take note from Mufasa’s book and think that those who have gone before us are the stars that fill the sky. No matter how dark it gets, there will always be stars. xxx

  20. Helpful Mum Reply

    So sorry for your losses both of you. It must be so tough. I keep having to remind myself that although my grandma has been given less than six months to live, at least we still have some time with her. Huge hugs to both of you. x

  21. Cariemay Reply

    Oh I am so sorry for your losses, what a horribly hard week. It’s such a blessing to have had such wonderful family and friends but it makes it all the harder when they’re not there anymore. Thinking of you both and sending love x

  22. Potty Mouthed Mum Reply

    I am so deeply sorry for both of you, it makes it even more tough when these things come together. I’m glad you both have lots of memories to think about and I’m sure Monkey’s cheeky face helps ease the pain a little. Sending lots of love xxx

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