Life isn’t sugar coated which is why Clara and I try our hardest to make sure we don’t totally sugar coat our blog. When times were tough when we had just become parents I wrote about our struggles as we feel it’s important to share the good as well as the bad in life. Well this week has been pretty crappy, in fact C and I concluded that it’s been the worst week we’ve ever had.
On bank holiday Monday my Little Nan passed away, I won’t go into detail, but it was unexpected and very sudden and left us and my whole family in shock. Losing someone you love is always hard no matter the circumstances, but the loss I’ve experienced in my life could not prepare me for the events surrounding my Nan’s passing. Our family on my nan’s side is small and the couple of days we spent together before my Nan passed will always remind me how important family is.
I am so grateful for my Aunt and Uncle opening up their home to us all and giving my parents somewhere to stay during hospital visits. They say most people eat their emotions during troubled times and boy did we eat. My Aunt made THE best banana and chocolate muffins that strangely, although my nan wasn’t there, they will always remind me of her.
I also was incredibly grateful for the friends that reached out to me, I can be quite a closed box when it comes to sharing my emotions, but several close friends made sure they kept in contact and some even offered up bad jokes to make me smile.
My Little Nan, was a legend in the kitchen. She taught all of her grandchildren how to make the best fairy cakes and cooked amazing roast dinners with the most delicious gravy I’d ever tasted. She taught me how to knit when I was little and as an adult she gifted me all of her knitting equipment. In memory of my nan I am going to take up knitting again, I am determined to finish a project she would be proud of.
Each school holiday she would look after me and my sister and take us to a local farm. I used to look forward to the holiday’s to discover which farm we were going to visit. She taught both my sister and I how to gamble with a purse full of half pennies, we usually played New Market and a very basic Poker.
We used to love listening to her stories about when she was a child and the amazing things that happened to her, yet to her it was just regular life. During the Second World War a bomb went off in the road next to their house, blowing their front door off whilst they sat under a table in the living room. She was great at setting the scene when telling a story, I could listen to her for hours.
I keep going over the stories she used to tell us, making sure I don’t forget anything she told me. I want to be able to pass on her stories to M when he is older, so he will remember the wonderful amazing Great Little Nan he had.
My heart is going to be aching for quite a while as I cope with losing someone who accepted and loved me as I was. One of my greatest moments was when she wrote in a card for Clara, “please call me Nan”. We will miss her so much.
The passing of our little Nan, was a big shock to our family, I’m not sure if it has quite sunk in yet. It just doesn’t feel real. Kirsty and I have been together for 7 years and in that time Little Nan made me feel so welcome and like I was one of her own grandchildren. I am so lucky to have married into such a wonderfully caring family. I am going to miss her stories and the way she looked at Monkey. Little Nan was so caring, she had an infectious smile, you just couldn’t help but love her.
I will miss her dearly.
My story does not finish there however. On Friday I received a phone call from my friend Kerri, I knew instantly why she was calling, my heart started to sink as she began to talk and I burst into tears, my poor friend (whom I will refer to as T in respect to his family) had suffered a stroke and would not pull through this time. Within 15 minutes I said my goodbyes to Kirsty and Monkey and was in the car on my way to London to say my final farewell to my dear friend.
That same day I was let go from my new job due to unforeseen circumstances, but looking back I realize that was meant to happen, because of the hours I worked I would never have made it to the hospital in time as I had a 2 1/2 hour journey.
In November T was admitted to hospital to undergo a heart transplant, which was successful, unfortunately due to complications I wont go into, he became very weak. I have a very close nit group of friends from school, who I don’t get to see very much since moving to Dorset but over the last few months we have been talking almost every day, mostly about T and how drunk we all used to be. I love all of them with all my heart and we are devastated to lose such a wonderful friend. He was the most kindhearted man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I am proud to be his friend.
We are in mourning. This week has truly been the worst week of my life but I find comfort in the love of my family and friends, they are keeping me standing, when all I want to do it curl up under the duvet and hope I wake from a bad dream.
One thing I feel I need to say is how important it is that we all give blood regularly, if you are able, without those donations my friend wouldn’t have been able to fight for so long. Other members of our family have also been saved with blood transfusions in the past, so please, if you can, please, please, please donate. If you don’t know where your local blood donation center is, you can visit Give Blood UK who have a list with a handy postcode search engine.