His response tops mine

One of the most frequently asked questions we received when M was born was “how will you cope with questions about his dad?”. Being new parents we had our own ideas of ways to respond. Explaining he doesn’t have a dad, he has a donor and that to be honest it’s quite a personal question that shouldn’t just be blurted out on first meeting.

But over the last 5 years we’ve adapted to questions in our own ways. Sometimes the questions come with genuine sincere curiosity, sometimes they are out of the blue and too personal and other times they are aimed directly at our little man.

Since M started school it’s only normal that the curiosity of children has lead to him learning to answer the “dad” question. At Beavers a confused chap asked M why he called me Mama and that other lady over there Mummy. Which M responded with well she’s my Mama and she’s my Mummy, which was met with a “oh ok, shall we go play”. Another child asked why he had two mums instead of a Dad, which M replied with “Well I have a Mama, no Dad”. Then this week I got to witness how he responds to adults that make assumptions about his parents.

Whilst attending an appointment at the doctors a very lovely nurse referenced how tall M was and with me being almost Hobbit like she remarked that “you must have a very tall dad”. Without missing a beat M replied with “I don’t have a dad” and went back to playing. He wasn’t fussed by her assumption and was happy he’d cleared that up. A couple of minutes later a medical question caused me to refer to my wife and her expression changed, she was so apologetic to have made an assumption and commented on how well M dealt with it and seemed quite unperturbed by the remark.

As we left the doctors I praised him on how well he dealt with the situation and then started to consider how often he must respond to people’s assumptions without us being aware of the event. We’re not doing a bad job in raising a boy that thinks on his feet and deals with unpredictable questions. His parent set up may be different to all his friends and may create an opportunity for curious pals to question whom his parents are, but it doesn’t seem to have any detrimental impact on his life.

How can you not love that smile! he melts our hearts.

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Clare Mansell Reply

    I think most people are pretty clumsy with what they say, the one we get with Alice all the time is “Gosh, she’s quite dark skinned, where does that come from” (Theo was almost Scandinavian in his blondeness!) and I think… Why would you walk into that mind-field, there are so many potentially awkward reasons that could be the explanation, but it’s just random genetics! I think the thing is M clearly handles it well and the alternative is that people stop making small talk. I cringe every time I see a blog post that says “10 things not to say to a…” because the more we make people worried about what they are saying, the more people will not say anything at all and then we’ve blown an opportunity to engage and enlighten people.

    • My Two Mums Reply

      We once made a little video about things people say to lesbians, it was quite tongue in cheek as people will say what they want when it comes down to it.

      But we can’t tell people what to say once they’ve said it. We can only educate by being open on subjects we feel comfortable to and raising our son to be prepared for questions. I would much rather do my bit for LGBT visibility than just shut people down.

      He handles the questions well, that is what is important to me. He is our priority,

  2. My Two Mums Reply

    Oh gosh yes I totally agree. I hope I didn’t come across the wrong way. I just meant the ten things you say etc is too late once someone has said something.

    Plus I’d rather M learned how to cope with questions.

  3. Innocent Charms Chats Reply

    M is an amazing little boy, but then he has been brought up without judgement. As your friends for a few years now I honestly believe M is the way he is because you aren’t judgemental. You would never try to make people feel uncomfortable for their misgivings or inaccuricies and I love that.

    Would I like the world to be more accepting of anyone that they think differs from the “NORM” hell yes, but how I look at it from our POV as a disbaled family is if people make judgements or comments in a non malice way then I will not go out of my way to be rude, I will however if I can educate and I personally think M does that as his Mama/Mummy do. I have the same pride when Addison is matter of fact about Grayson.

    Sorry I am off on a tangent.

    I just wanted to say high 5 as I wish I could change the world so there were not preconcpetions but I know M will be awesome as he is being raised by it xx

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